An Accidental Parenting Technique

A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a way to handle sibling fights that seems to work!  I've been talking to my sisters about it, and now I keep hearing what a great idea it is.  And I think to myself, "Oh yeah! I need to remember to keep doing this!"

One weekend, two kids came up to me crying and talking over each other about how they had been wronged.  I turned and looked at them, and decided to just keep listening to them until they had nothing left to say.  After a few minutes of talking, they both fell silent, waiting to see what I would do.  I felt calm.  I had decided ahead of time that because of all the screaming and yelling, they would both hang the wet laundry.  So I made a remark like "Thank-you for telling me."  Then I told them that because of the yelling and upset in the house, they needed to go hang the laundry.  And off they went!

Not a tear, not a complaint, they just headed out and hung up the laundry.  I was flummoxed, I can tell you!  I expected at least some little complaint about doing a chore.  But they just went and did it.  So I've talked to sisters and thought about why this happened because I'd like to understand what is at work here.  One sister suggested that it felt good to the kids to be "heard".  And that just being heard can alleviate frustration.  Another sisters suggested that it felt fair to the kids not to have me make a judgement "against" one or the other.  And I wonder if me being calm and not getting angry and trying to sort it all out keeps them from feeling so angry.

Whatever it is, I'm glad I told my sisters about it.  Now they can help keep me accountable by asking how that technique continues to work for me. =)

This may be somewhat "love and logic-y" although I haven't been a devoted scholar so can't claim to be using their methods exactly.  But I have read one of the books and like the idea of separating oneself from parents giving out consequences to more of empathizing with the kid as they experience negative repercussions of their choices.  And I do like the love and logic method very much, just haven't been terribly conscientious about following it.