Chicken Woes

I wanted to let you know that I REALLY loved your comments about marriage! It's so lovely and wonderful to hear about other women and their real feelings and experiences about such a serious/awesome/wonderful subject. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, especially because these things can be hard to share and yet are very helpful. It doesn't make us feel so alone, I suppose. =)

I felt that it helped me learn a little more about you, Kim. I barely know you, let alone your girls and husband. And it's wonderful to learn real and important things! And I admire that you and your husband can be different and be okay with that, respecting each other and your boundaries. And it's okay if other people don't quite understand because the important thing is that you both do. =) It encourages me to see you expressing that since you've been married much longer than I and have seen so much!

Kelly, you speak to my heart! I am glad I'm not the only chick to sit around wishing for things I didn't know were in my power to change and get!

June and Calysta, thanks for your support as always. It's nice to have sisters and mother's in law to grow with, all in our different stages and learning different things and helping each other.

Thanks for helping me learn; there's so much to discover!

And now for an update on our chickens. I've had a few worries with them lately. One chicken has been pecking a hole in the top of her eggs. This bugged me, I can't use a holey egg. We have mice lurking about the coop because of all the chicken feed around, and I worry about hantavirus. But the egg peck is interesting because she always pecks it right where the little air pocket is and so there's never been egg actually coming out. I "blew" a few eggs and put hot chilies in them along with pepper and chili powder. I placed it in the nesting boxes to discourage pecking of eggs. But the egg was gone the next day, and I haven't seen it since. I think someone ate it! Blast these New Mexican chickens that like hot red and green chilies!

Then, a week or two later, Lucas found a smashed egg in the nesting box. Egg all over the place! The next day, another smashed egg on the floor of the coop in the hay. This coincided with one chicken mysteriously getting out of the coop(I really mean the fenced yard around the coop) and no matter how closely we watched her, she managed to sneak out undetected. For days this went on, until Shane caught her in the act. Ta da! He tried to take a picture, but she'd already hopped down.

In spite of freshly-cut wing feathers on one side, she was flying up to the gate and hopping over to the other side. This was our Americauna, who is supposed to lay green eggs. However, she laid a brown egg on our front porch. BAH! Happily, the other Americauna appears to be laying the proper color, as we now have green eggs appearing.

And, although I've thought about solutions to my egg-smashing problem and gate-flying problem, I haven't done anything about them. And both things have not happened in a week, now. And two days ago I got SEVEN eggs! Then five, then four. Chickens are weird and who knows WHAT is going on in their pea brains. Something is going on in there, but I'm not sure what!

Also, our chickens only lay brown and green eggs. The white one in the picture is from the store for variety and comparison. =) I want to get two more chickens, maybe ones that lay white eggs. I'm just not sure, yet.

So if anyone has solutions about chickens, let me know. Otherwise, I think I might have to get rid of my pecking chicken to someone who wants a pet or meat.

Maybe donate her to Wildlife West.... ;)

The Beauty of Marriage

I've been thinking about marriage and thought I'd just lay out a few things I have come to value and my perspective based on my life experience of one. Me. =)

I used to have a view of marriage different from my current one, namely before I was married. Then I began to develop a working view of marriage in the first few years. Four years into marriage, circumstances dictated that I completely overhaul every last thought about marriage. And overall, our marriage has had a few significant tests. Today, I think we have an almost perfect marriage, but I have learned that what seems like the pinnacle can become just a little stop along the way to greater heights. So I look forward to much more growth and discovery in my marriage for as much time as we get!

When I got married, I didn't understand how it felt to be in a boy/girl relationship without passionate love. How can you? Once the love dies, you break up. So in a marriage, you get to figure out how to make it work once that first love experiences things like irritation, surprise, annoyance and even anger. And for me, the first assumption was that is was his fault. And any baggage you might have comes flooding to the fore: "I won't be like someone else!" or "I won't let you treat me like someone I didn't like!" or "I deserve x, y and z from you!" or "Since you disagree with my way, you are squashing my rights!". Things of this nature.

Side note: It is interesting to think how I would have explained all this while I was in that time frame. Obviously, I now disagree with my own self, so I'm presenting my views in the light of being wrong (which I believe they were!)

For a long time, things were at an impasse, because (lucky me!) I married a guy who is tough, stubborn and values his own opinion highly(like I do). The reason this is so great, is that he never reinforced my crappy behavior by giving me what I thought I wanted at the time. So he didn't enable or allow me to jog down life's road forming heart-breaking habits. And yet, I still hadn't grasped the ideas that were to change my life and so it was tough going for a while. In this phase, Shane started grad school.

Test one showed up in the birth of our first son. Start to finish, it was a severe, and I mean SEVERE lesson in the dangers of "expectations". And I fought it tooth and nail, claiming that we should always keep those expectations high to help each other be better people. But my husband could not come to terms with how donning a swim suit and joining me in the birthing tub was in any way helpful to his character. (I can't believe I actually harbored a serious expectation about that!) Right and left, every expectation I formed was dashed, destroyed and royally smashed. And again, no conception on my part of how badly I was setting both myself and my husband up for failure. He had an inkling, but couldn't put it into words and also at times wondered by the strength (and endurance) of my arguments if I was right. Angrily, we discussed having another child, as my teenage sister came to live with us for six months. Birth control seemed a pain, so we got pregnant again! (I'm kidding, a little) 17 months after our son, our first daughter arrived along with several other major changes. Shane changed his professor in grad school and the change turned out to be a huge stressor. One sister had moved out and another one came for three months. I had two babies and a LOT of extra weight, and Shane decided he no longer wanted religion in his life. This was quite an experience for me, full of many different feelings, thoughts, questions, etc. But it was the pivotal moment.

One of the most significant things about having different views about God inside a marriage is how to make a marriage work in spite of that. Especially if you've assumed you'd always have that in common. I began to wonder about my influence and what I was like to live with. Was I responsible? Even if I wasn't, had I been the partner I was supposed to be? I felt (for the first time in my life) that there might be things worth keeping from my spouse. Say a bad mood. Maybe irritation that is really about something else. Maybe the nagging could be put aside. Maybe I could do a lot less leaning with the negative attitude. Maybe I could even listen when he complained(quietly and seldom) about something I did or said. Honestly, I don't know how I got so lucky to even think of these things. I'm sure God was hoping the time was ripe, because I'd never allowed such selfless thoughts before. I'd resented being selfless. He should be selfless for me! I was too busy, too tired and too overwhelmed to think of Shane. His life looked pretty rosy to me back then: off to school, privacy, quiet, time to think a whole thought without interruption, dinner when he got home, and no need to get out of bed in the night, because Mom breastfeeds. Bottom line was I discovered a different perspective. To think and work toward the goal of being someone worthwhile, instead of getting what I wanted from someone else. Interestingly, when the focus shifts to doing our own part, we end up getting even more than we wanted.

We've had a few tests since that first epiphany, and I have to keep things fresh in my mind. I continually re-read my favorite book "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. One pearl of note that I have to keep fresh is that I can change my feelings by changing my mind and thoughts. It's something I never used to think was possible, but it happens all the time! We look back and remember how strongly we felt about something only to notice that we no longer feel passionate about it. It's because we stopped thinking about it, and we stopped giving it such a huge place in our minds. Sometimes we moved on, sometimes we were forced to. Well, practice makes perfect and I have lots of opportunity to practice thinking different thoughts until my feelings eventually follow suit. And they do! That is powerful.

It's not about doormats. It's not about losing your identity to someone else dictating your life. It's more about taking charge of your own happiness. Being a positive, happy person. Treating others the way you want to be treated. And even more, treating others the way THEY want to be treated. Not letting everyone know every time you feel like a grouchy complainer or a martyr or a maid. Choosing how to think of it makes all the difference. If I had all my dreams come true, what would they be? To be a wife and mom and homeschool. Oh, wait! That IS what I'm doing! Then what's with the negativity!?

These days, my marriage blows me away. We have to force ourselves to shut up and go to bed. We miss each other while Shane's away at work. I listen to his car and work talk, he listens to my family and friends talk. We plan projects together with minimal fuss and therein lies the beauty. If we disagree, life continues smoothly. We don't hurt each other in disagreeing and it's safe to hash out an issue. And we both fill our minds with mutual respect for each other so that our tone and body language will follow. Because you can't speak and act respectful when you're busy thinking the other person is a fool. Or incompetent. Or any number of negative things!

I love being married and in spite of the fact that it has been the hardest work I've ever done, the returns are tremendous! Worth every tear, prayer and growing pain.

Now weigh in an tell me what gems glow most brightly in your marriage!

It's a Sign

A few months ago, Lucas put this sign on his bedroom door:

(For the room is filled with poisonous gasses. Do not enter.)

Recently, a few more signs have appeared.

Like this one I liked so much:

I'm very curious about it's motivation and purpose.

Then there's these two signs:

(For this is a spy room. Do not come in unless you are a spy.)

A bit redundant, but extremely clear about their purpose.

And then as I was appreciating slightly better spelling and somewhat better attention to spacing, this sign caught my eye.

(Turns out, it's not my son, which explains the spelling and spacing improvement.) It makes a person wonder, is this a bait sign? Tempting someone to enter a forbidden room, possibly filled with poisonous gasses? Come on in! (cheerful grin, cheerful grin) yes, we'd love to have you enter our facilities! (more smiles) Step right this way... BAM! We've now trapped you in the poison room, bwahaha!!!!! For the victory is MINE!!!

Or maybe it's a sign for friends, and you aren't supposed to pay attention to it unless you are part of the "club". Woe betide the little sister who thinks it's for her!

I wonder if my husband would notice if I started taping signs to our bedroom door.

"For the room is filled with pheromones and not laundry. Enter if you are my man."

Can't let kids have all the fun!

Poetry

We've been having a little poetry around here. And I decided that I need to video the kids before they lose their little kid way of talking! When I took this poor quality video on my camera, I foolishly forgot that the video would come out sideways when I held the camera that way. But my darling spouse spent a bit of time on it, and managed to turn my videos around! Nevermind the three hours it took to upload them, and now you can share in the fun!

Part of our Language Arts curriculum (that I luuuuuuuv!) includes learning and reciting poetry. Properly. Fold the hands, don't lean, look out at your audience, speak slowly and clearly and state the name and author of said poem. Lucas does great, and Julia does great for only doing this twice a week with us. She's gone three mornings and the boys get more opportunities for repetition. Lucky for her, she's a guru for remembering words to things. She may have heard the words wrong... ("time to kangaroo downs, fort" and "call 9-1-1, the-e-e-e-en call yourself") but she's our most talented girl for word memory. Lucas gets the prize for most words used in a day. =) Aidan does pretty good, but he's still so "baby" that it's the cutest thing ever to hear these grown up words come out of his mouth. And he has a ways to go on posture. (For example, no climbing the bookcase as you recite!) So here's his first attempt on his poetry recitation; Work, anonymous:

Then Julia tries her hand, minus a little skip as she tries to recite the poem she just heard Aidan say. The problem with her poem is that the title is not the same as the first line, but extremely similar. Here's "Hearts are Like Doors, Anonymous":

And Lucas rattles off one of his favorites. "The Caterpillar, by Christina G. Rossetti" I love several things about this: the gap tooth, the cute way he moves his lips, the pause as he remembers to fold his hands in front, the inability to smile at the end of the poem, even though Mom is grinning like a Cheshire cat! All so endearing to a Mommy!

We are managing to have a little fun with school and I just wanted to pass that on. ;)

Resolute

My first post of the New Year... meant to get this one out last week. I love new weeks, new months, new years. I loved the beginnings of a new semester in school and I love the fresh new start of a new notebook.

I was thinking about what I'd like to do better in 2011, and it occurred to me that I should first take stock of last year. Well, that's kind of fun, really! I actually see a few things accomplished, and like seeing the scale go down, seeing things accomplished makes me eager to accomplish more. (Could I use that word a few more times in one sentence?)

A few things I'm glad to have accomplished this past year:

I lost 19 pounds. =)

I painted four rooms, one being a living room.

I built (with help) a chicken coop and moved in five biddies.

I began homeschooling seriously.

I enrolled one kid in a Montessori school, a long time goal.

I took a trip north to visit my family.

I maintained a healthy marriage.

I did other little things along the way like sewing projects, regular visits to a science museum, volunteering, better budgeting and eating habits.

Now, all these things I say "I" did, but two things of note: I didn't do any of them alone and I didn't do most of them perfectly, but at least I did them or they are a good way into meeting the ultimate goal.

This is a picture of our first week of working out! Shane decided it was time to have a chart to keep us accountable, as we've started this several times already. We are taking it really easy, but I have no choice: I'm a wimp. But at least we're doing something!

This year in 2011 I have a few more goals. And I feel better about making them now that I see that in spite of being ME, I managed to make a little headway last year. So here they are:

NUMBER ONE: continue to maintain that marriage!

2. Finish losing the weight and work on fitness

3. Improve homeschooling so I'm happy with ALL (or more) aspects and subjects.

4. Do better with thank-you's, letters, and gifts. (Plan ahead!)

5. Explore further opportunities to do community service.

6. Finish painting the house!

7. Learn to eliminate junk piles in my life. Be tidy! This is a biggie!

And the last thing I want to do is keep on trying to love and enjoy the "NOW". We have a few family trips tentatively planned that the hubby has picked out and some landscaping projects that should help us enjoy our house and property as a family.

Shane and I went to go watch a movie after the kids were in bed and instead we sat on our "kissing couch" (our first kiss!) and we chatted for a couple hours. We chatted about his goals with work, we chatted about the right balance for teaching kids, what we can teach them and what they need to learn in their own time. We chatted about money and what role we want it to play in our lives. We chatted about excess and living out our convictions when we are used to a LOT of excess in our own habits. This is what I consider to be the ultimate in my human experience. That my husband is my best friend and that we want to talk to each other, be on the same page and help each other change for the better. And we both want help in changing ourselves to be better.

Underscoring all of this is feeling a need of spiritual growth. We just started the year with Special Meetings and that felt like a new page and a new beginning, too. I have a lot of encouragement, help and love from people in my life, but ultimately I want to have the root of the matter within my own heart. Sometimes I want other people to confirm things I think and feel, and instead I need to make sure God is my first and final source for everything I do or don't do. I want to give my children spiritual things that are sure and certain. And the only source for things like that is God himself.

And furthermore, all other accomplishments are meaningless to me without a living relationship with God!

So here's to a new year! *clink* Who knows what awaits us? Maybe joy, maybe sorrow but through it all there is much to be gained and much to learn.

A wonderful new year to you all and to all a good night!